Saddam Hussein Trial, Links With Selsey Established - Ted Maul Reports

After more information was teased from Saddam Hussein last week by crack American lawyers, Selsey residents were shocked to discover that Hussein was responsible for providing cash, weapons and Halal meat to the many terrorists holed up behind the discount tyre centre. Hussein, 60-odd, of Iraqi-Hittite descent admitted that Selsey is a recruiting area for crazed terrorists and also training is available in explosives, weapons and combat cross-stitching. He also hinted at further attacks eminating from Selsey including the destruction of the RSPB hut on Pagham spit. Local twitcher, Oswold Ramblington, 63, a retired costermonger of Burgundian descent is furious at the alledged promise of attack. "We will fight them on the beaches, My Grandfather made that hut out of matchsticks on his deathbed, they will have to come through me to destroy it". The small banjo-playing community of Selsey are already restless after only just recovering from the gun battle centered on the Selsey minaret as reported last month.