Oi Vay, my life already ! A timetable has been leaked to me by my tailor who lives near the Rama Dama Ding Dong school for Muslim children, its sobering reading already. Monday 07:00 Prayers (girls to observe in strict silence) 08:00 AK47 Strip, clean, load and fire into the air shouting "death to the infidel!" 09:30 Prayers (girls to observe in strict silence) 10:00 Breaktime (Girls to silently remain in the classrooms, out of sight) 10:30 Boys to IED theory, girls to Hijab making class 12:00 Dinner time (girls to serve boys in strict silence) 13:00 Prayers (girls to observe in strict silence) 14:00 Boys to UK benefit claims class, girls to IED vest making class 15:00 Prayers (girls to observe in strict silence) 15:30 Hometime (girls to leave 20 mins after boys and in strict silence)
A ladies mountain bike connected with an attack of a sexual nature was located today in a skip on Rudford industrial estate West Sussex. The bike is owned by the alledged victim of the attack, Concepta McGinty, 19, a seamstress and burlesque dancer of Irish descent who lives in the Littlehampton Latin quarter. The bike was found by Arno Glickstein, 52, a recycling operative of Hebrew descent who works at South Coast Skips, the owners of the skip. "I knew the bike belonged to an Irish girl as her rosary beads were still in the front mounted shopping basket already" he stated between bites of a salt beef bagel. "We get all manner of shit and gash through these doors including cadavers, explosives, MFI furniture, outdated automatic weapons and welshmen. When I saw the pink tassles stuck on the handlebars and a playing card attached to the rear spokes with a clothes peg I knew the bike belonged to a youngster". CSI Littlehampton found minute traces of fecal matter, spicy sausage, tea and semen on the saddle and handlebars suggesting the assailant was of Eastern European origin. Investigations continue in the area and a stake-out has been established in Hotham park, Bognor Regis, a hotbed of sordid nocturnal activities and all day vodka drinking sessions.
Comments
i love all your short story about all the low lifes living in the lovly tinseltown of bognor regis.
i have been down to your registored offiecs in nyetimber, but nobody is ever there, there are lot of polish people around out side your office, trying to sell me shit, but on the other they could have been romanians because they where trying to sell there sisters to me.
anyway mr editor please contact me,
other wise, i will have to put you on my junk mail list.