Cruise Liner Aurora To Be Broken Up In Chichester Yacht Basin - Ted Maul Reports

P & O have decided to cut their losses and have the stricken vessel Aurora broken up when it returns to the UK riddled with more disease the Geri Helliwells underwear draw. The contract has gone to Pugh building services with Mr. Mick Hames as project manager. “As we build most of our projects with shit left over from other jobs this contract is ideal” said Mr. Hames over a light lunch of smoked salmon, scotch eggs, guiness and 20 royals. Mr. Hames has stretched his resources to encompass this project as well as the rebuilding of Iraq but predicts a smooth operation, “The fact that this ship is riddled with disease does not scare me” said Mr. Hames over a cheese board augmented by a vintage port. “I am so full of bacteria that I am immune to anything that shitty old boat can throw at me”. The boat contains large amounts of asbestos and CFCs but Mr. Hames has already hatched a plan to safely dispose of the material, he explains over a large cognac, “I going to burn the fucking lot behind the burger wagon”.