George Bush Praises US Troops Fighting In Selsey - Hank Sargasian III Reports

Always at the center of controversy, George Bush still found time to talk to the troops in war torn Selsey last week. He was, however, 25 minutes late as he missed the 12:15 from Chichester station. Embarrassment was averted as “Honest” Alf Tonks was on his way home from the seafood wholesalers in his series 3 land rover, (Ex MOD, 5 bearing crank, FWH & fairey overdrive model). Mr Bush reached the podium, and began, with a distinct aroma of fish, his thrilling oration in honour of all the troops deployed in this troubled West Sussex village, not
like that nice place called Nyetimber. He praised the US detachment for their heroic attempt at re-taking the discount tyre centre from Al Queda forces. Mr Bush also offered a large sum for the capture of local activist “Al Queda Neil”, responsible for many atrocities such as the Pagham duck pond waste bin bombing, and tampering with the temporary traffic lights in Runcton, causing delays lasting 7 minutes. Mr Bush was then treated to a slap-up high tea at the Women's Guild field HQ. “The victoria sponge was fantastic, I managed to pick up the recipe from Mrs Flora Stubbins” he said later, wiping raspberry jam from his chin. He then had to get a wriggle on to catch the 19:30 back to Chichester.