Neil Mellers Returns, And This Time He Means Business...Report By Dirk Van Den Haagen Daaz

Nyetimber pubs have been treated by the return of wandering punter/thinker/pussers rum enthusiast and one time Al Qaeda member Neil Mellers. When not frequenting the Diogenes club he has been gracing local taverns offering his own brand of wit, dits and repartee. Mr Mellers, 50 odd, of Maltese, Anglo– Norman and Scandinavian descent is an authority on telegraph pole serial number sequences and his favourite colour is magenta. Over the next few issues there will be extracts from an exclusive interview conducted with him at some time or other. He will, for the first time, reveal exactly how he sabotaged the temporary traffic lights at Runcton which caused delays of up to 6 minutes, and how he became an expert at identifying different breeds of dog by analysing their stool samples.

 

Neil Mellers

Gags, Dits & Shits


First Published 2016

 

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