Incredible Finds As Pagham Duck Pond Dragged - Prof Bernard Quatermass Reports

No one was prepared for the sight of various rare and interesting objects recovered from Pagham duck pond last week as Police divers were called in to search for missing chimney sweep and part time poisoner, Ernest Ratchsmith. Mr Ratchsmith, 50 odd, of Dickensian descent was last seen pushing a small boy up the chimney of the Bear public house as management cost cutting measures continue due to poor attendance. A full list of the objects found has yet to be published but the reader can be furnished with just some of the items recovered; Winifred Atwell’s tuning fork, Peter Lawler's spare BBQ tongs, Excalibur, Thora Hirds reading glasses, a copy of the declaration of independence, Stan Laurels bowler hat, The Famous Fives picnic basket containing lashings of ginger beer, various items of Salvation Army band percussion and the shroud of Turin.

 

Pagham Duck Pond

What madness lurks beneath ?

 

 

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