Al Queda Attack On Selsey Now Imminent - Prof Bernard Quatermass Reports

Selsey was put on a state of high alert last night as intelligence suggested that Al Queda terrorists are ready to launch an attack on this backwards Sussex town populated by in-breds and other assorted scum and riff-raff. The local home guard have been re-called after being stood down in 1945. Public unrest has broken out after the kebab shop was torched last night and the owners taunted, mocked and shunned. Osama Bin-Laden himself is rumored to be leading the attack himself as the kebab shop owner is a member of his tribe. Selsey locals have been expecting the backlash since the kebab shop incident. “The pitta bread was always soggy and the chilli sauce had no real punch, also the salad was bogging.” quoted Kelvin Undermanager this morning. “My brother who is also my Father was shitting conkers after scuppering a large mixed kofte last Friday”.