OAP Cripple Chariot Gangs Become Public Menace - Ted Maul Reports

Bognor citizens were angry last night as the local authorities & the police failed to agree on policies to combat this new urban menace. Shoppers and prostitutes have been attacked by gangs of OAPs driving those funny little battery powered cripple chariots using walking sticks as lances and paint ball guns for general combat purposes. The leader of this gang is thought to be Doris Pickles, 78, of Anglo-Norman descent, a known accomplice of Adolf Hitler when he visited Rose Green in 1944. Mrs. Pickles made him a wide selection of cakes, pastries and related sundries when he visited the Rose Green pastry guild for afternoon tea, this led to casual conversations about strategies and tactics which would serve Mrs. Pickles very well in the future. She describes this campaign as “total war against society” for some reason or other and warns of more concentrated attacks to come. Rose Green is still in shock as the gang made a daring raid on the knitting shop causing substantial damage to the “shop open/closed” sign.